First Step to Getting Out of Abuse
68You have found yourself in an abusive relationship. Your partner is controlling your every move. Physical abuse has become a regular thing. Emotional abuse is taking its toll. Verbal abuse is your only conversation. What do you do?
The first thing is to listen to family and friends that care about you. They will bring it to your attention that they know. It is hard to hear and will make you very angry. You lash out at them. You tell them to mind their own business. You make up excuses for everything. You begin to hide from life because you are afraid of it. The biggest thing is you will tell them that your partner loves you and you love them.
You pull away from everyone you know. You think. Their words resounding in your mind. How do they know? You never said anything and you keep the bruising covered up. Those words keep flooding back into your mind getting louder and louder. Now what do you do. You can't get away from what your friends and family says.
One day, alone, you look in the mirror. You look deep within yourself and you see the scars, the physical and emotional bruises. How do you stop it? You feel like you are completely alone. Can't stand the thought of admitting you are in a failing relationship. You will lose face. You feel like a bad person, because the abuse is always your fault. "If I hadn't done this or said that, it wouldn't have happened."
First, you are NOT a bad person. It is NOT your fault. You did NOT fail the relationship. You have a lot to offer to the world. The hardest thing to do is to realize and admit that you need to leave. It's time to get away. But you are weakened, frail and very fragile.
Stand up! See what is real! Don' walk, RUN in the opposite direction from your abuser! If you have children, get them out of it too. They will learn what they see. If they learn abuse is normal, they will, themselves, grow into abusers. They will also get into abusive relationships. You will re-live your abuse through your children. Give them a fighting chance at a normal, loving life.
There are support groups available to attend. Hotlines to offer support. Yes, it is frightening to think of walking away from it and starting a new life. I won't say that it isn't. I will say, however, that it is necessary. Lean on family and friends and let them help you through it. Keep reminding yourself that you are a good person. Learn to love yourself. Learn to like who you are. You are unique. Give yourself a chance at a peaceful life. Hang in there!
I hope my story helps. Also, feel free to look at my webpage www.survivingthestorms.com There are more stories there too. In the meantime, no matter how angry she might get, help her to leave.
Thank you for reassuring victims that IT IS NOT THEIR FAULT.
I really like this I'm in a relationship and have been for almost 10 years it has been physical and mentally abusive. All I think about is what he has done to me for the last 10 years. I feel so bad for my kids and what it has done to them. I want out I'm so tired of it already. He disguses me. I too saw my mom get abused and she died still living in a mentally abusive relationship. I don't want to end up like that. I'm so scared to leave I have 3 kids and don't know where to go. I feel like I don't want to put my family through this. I work and support us most of the time. I never have money to myself he controls that and if there is anything missing he thinks I'm stealing. I'm always cheating in his eyes cause his mom did it and his ex did so I'm doing it. I know I'm a good person and I can become someone in life. I don't know what to do!! I want out now I don't want my kids to go through this anymore.
Thank you for listening
I AM IN AN ABUSIVE RELATIONSHIP MOSTLY EMOTIONAL ABUSE, BUT HE HAS HIT ME, HE LIVES IN MY HOUSE, HE HAS MADE ME MISERABLE AND i DONT EVEN KNOW WHY I LOVE HIM, i WANT HIM OUT OF MY HOUSE, HE HAS THREATENED ME OF JUST ABOUT EVERYTHING YOU CAN IMAGINE. HE SAYS MY HOUSE IS HALF HIS, BUT i PAY ALMOST EVERYTHING. HE HAS GONE UNEMPLOYED ALOT AND WHEN HE GETS A JOB HE STILL WONT HELP WITHOUT A HUGE FIGHT, TIRED OF FIGHTING, I JUST HAD SURGERY AND HE MADE THINGS HORRIBLE FOR ME BEFORE AND AFTER I COULDNT EVEN HEAL OR REST. MY 14 YEAR OLD DAUGTHER HAS TO HEAR ABOUT IT ALL THE TIME AND SHE HATES IT, MY 17 YEAR SON HAS GOTTEN INTO A FIST FIGHT WITH HIM ALREADY. i DONT KNOW HOW TO GET HIM OUT, I HAVE GONE THRU THE AUTHORITIES MANY TIMES i HAVE HAD 2 RESTRAINING ORDERS AND NO CREDIBILITY WITH THE POLICE, i REALLY NEED HELP. MY MOM THINKS I WILL END UP DEAD. I AM AFRAID I WOULD RATHER HIM JUST LEAVE BUT HE WONT, HE SAYS IF I CALL THE POLICE HE WILL KILL ME.
I'm in an abusive relationship. I feel stuck and alone. My husbands bad on drugs I don't know when or if it will end. I know this is going know where but I still choose to stay why? Idk maybe because I feel like no where to go and things that are mine are In his name he would make my life miserable although that's very funny because I already am..I'm stuck I often think of cheating but I can't..he has dragged me by my hair, back handed me,choked me(I could die accidently),pushed, spit in my face 3 times and threatend to be killed told to kill myself, name calling...I've done nothing wrong to deserve any of it but say my feelings he says I have a smart mouth..I feel sick of it I want to hit him and push him back I tried a little and it just makes him more angry..sometimes these things happen for no reason but simply that he wakes up with no drugs in his system and blames things on me..I know I don't deserve this and I do love myself! ..he also apologizes right after massages my back says sorry and he didn't mean it...you can't change someone you can only change yourself and hapiness is what you make it..
Elizabeth I know what you are going through I have been in a verbal and abusive relationship for 10 years. He was on drugs and basically tells me the same thing. Well a couple of months ago I got to the point where I could not take it anymore and told him I was moving out. At the end of Feb I'm moving on. He too does the same thing after he is mean to me apologiezes and things are okay. You feel sorry for them and say to yourself well maybe he means it this time or maybe he will change. They will never change unless they really want to. My husband went to rehab and was okay for a little while and then right back on the drugs. I have 3 kids and I'm sick of it. I have to stand up for myself and do what is right for myself and my kids. I need to be happy. There is help out there I know we are to scared to do it and what about my kids. Well I think we are hurting our kids worse my staying in these abusive relationships. I fear sometimes that he will kill me he has told me numerous times that he woud but we have to stand up to them sooner or later. That is the problem they are so used of pushing us around that they know how they can get to us. I have a good job and a wonderful family and I know that I can do it on my own. He constently tells me that I'm not going to be able to make it. Please if you really feel like this get some help don't be scared anymore we need to do it for ourselves. I'm so excited that I'm finally going to move on. We don't have to stay in these relationships and I finlly realized that after 10 years.
please help i have been with this guy for over five years now and i dont know how to get out i dont even know who iam any more i have two children and no money at all i havve to ask for money to even go out to the store and then he still wont even give it to me and all i want is to get out and go home but i cant aford to move away i dont have a license so i cant just jump into a vehicle and go so will anyone please help me get out .
i have been in an abusive relationship twice (maybe 3 times)i grew up in a physically abusive home,my dad threw me around till i was 18,im 57 now,was married 10 years to a so called preacher,finally i had lost all sense of who i was,and wanted out and was totally ignorant,therefore,i lost custody of my 4 small children (and never got them back)thats what ignorance will do.i was uneducated and could not think for myself,i was in an extreamly controlled atmosphere,with no say so.then married again to someone younger,thought i was madly in love,he turned out to be a monster,choked,kicked,bit,would have bruised a foot long on my back,bite marks all over my arms,and no where to go,also at the same time was going to court many times over for my kids and pretending all was well,eventually some people i worked with saw what was going on and helped me out.he still beat up on me for a few years after when he would corner me somewhere,eventually got free and it took me a couple of years to have enough of a mind to go to work.i was alone for 16 years.Met someone alittle older,a charmer,saw him for 4 years and of course another mistake,more extreamly verbal abuse,some physical.i left,he chased me for two years and convinced me he truely loved me.i married him,whoops!again.after 9 months divorced,then he got sober,oh yea did i fail to say he was an alcholic.he got sober for 2 years and convinced me again,he was a different person sober.married him again,(do i sound dumb???)of course the drinking started again,now after 13 years of this,its worse than ever,mostly verbal,because i decided to fight back,if he got physical.so he doesnt mess with me too much like that.just alot of horrible verbal,nasty things,now im trying to figure out how to get out.i havent worked in abut 7 years,im older,57 and have limitations,i still have my looks somewhat.i have some drive but not like i used to,i have a fairly good relationship now with my kids,(they dont live here,thankfully)i believe it or not,have no idea what to do, when i worked before,it was very little money and alot of hours.but now i just feel like no one would hire me and dont know what to do,i worked retail for years and know i cant stand up for 9 hours anymore.just dont know what to do.im good at helping someone else get out of this kind of situation,but for myself,im at a loss.would love to be a counselor and have many people ask me advice,which im good at helping out,but cant help myself out or so it seems.
And always trying to change there partner and let's not forget that lieing ,belittling and manipulating are all forms of abuse . I think its time to take some responsibility for your part in an abusive relationship .
My partner has recently moved out of my home we have 2 young children and the relationship has been abusive at times. I never realised it was abusive as it never happened that frequently. It started off with little things, spitting, bending my limbs back, grabbing me by the throat and eventually a punch in the face which my 2 yr old saw. He still blames me. He went to prison for this and did 2 months. He showed remorse and i took him back, Although he hasnt hit me since he still loses his temper had pushes me and recently pulled my hair. He has know left but i still have to see him, he tries every now and then to see if i will take him back. And puposely tries to wind me up. I feel i will never be free of him until my kids grow up. they are 2 and 6. Its very hard to move on as when he is nice he is nice but i try to remember the times he was horrible to me. Does anyone else share a simular story
Um, did i misunderstand? did One of the posters just tell an abused person on here to take some of the blame?
My partner has an abusive cycle. He is kind and charming, then he emotionally abuses. He is smart highly decorated in the US Army, but calls me names, tells me I'm stupid. I'm a certified practicing veteran teacher of 15 years.
I'm not 40 yet, but I feel 50. He exhausts me until I have no will. He washes dishes, makes coffee, he cooks, he washes clothes, he contributes financially, however he is verbally abusive. He has been removed from command, he has pulled his weapon in the wrong area during deployment. He has a self defeatist attitude.
I have has psychology classes and work with behavior disorders in my job. But, I can't fix his consistent outbursts of name calling and screaming.
I'm not sure how much longer I can do this cycle of abuse. It's been 7 yrs.
i have been abused most of my life firstly by my farther then by my sister then at skhool then after skhool then at work and allways at home it has been constant for prop 30 years of my life now my brain carnt take any more it has taken to mutch i carnt stand to be in same house as him thats my farther who is now my onlly abuser thay get some sort of kick out of ruining a persons self asteme and try to take away any joy you might have i have no one to tern to but am a broken man if i had my own house like some off you i would kick him out i wud leeve all his stuf outside ring the police tell them what you are doing and downt answer the door if he smashes a window ect downt worry never let him back in and get an ingunction on him i know its easeyer said than done but whats the allternative live in feer for the rest off your life like i am at moment there are allot of skum about beleve me you think the ones closest to you wud look after you but that aint allways the truth,tese people like to feel biger and better than you but thay know thay aint my dad pretends he is a loyal man but deep down he is an ausive bully who gets his kiks from stoping people doing what thay want in an abusive way.Its like being stuck in a fishing net we have to try to peel it off good luck love to all non abusers.These people are ushually very week when you put them on therse own so put then on there own somehow and thay will shrivell if i had money id be out try not to be skared
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Jackie 5 years ago
WOW that is one great peice! My friend is in an abuseive relationship and its only the begining, they have just started dating and already he's controlling her and her kids! He has a scary past that was hidden from her and now that it's coming out she is scared to leave the relationship for fear of what will happen. He has moved his stuff in and has no where to go! I am anxious to show her this webpage!